Wednesday, January 4, 2012

My failure

They say free-writing can sometimes be therapeutic, well here I go.

So, I have this idea for a project. Many people think it’s kind of a far out idea, while others would claim that it doesn’t go far enough. As it is now, not many people take the ideals of my project seriously.

I think the main problem with getting people to consider these ideas is me. I’m not fishing for sympathy or feeling sorry for myself, I’m looking at the situation honestly. People too often cannot separate the person from the idea. This particular idea though, has little to do with me, but that isn’t enough to keep people from dismissing it outright because of my involvement.

That’s not to say that I don’t have some friends, nor am I saying that there is no one who finds me somewhat intelligent. I am grateful for those who are fond of me, but my agenda remains stagnant.

My unpopularity isn’t the only thing holding people away from these ideas of course.

First of all I haven’t had the courage to outright explain my agenda in full. My own cowardice, shyness or whatever you want to call it is a major hindrance. Perhaps it started out as a healthy fear, but I’m wasting my time if I don’t conquer it.

Another failing is my inability to properly explain my views to the few people willing to listen to me. My own social awkwardness is one of my greatest enemies.

In my opinion some people just don’t want to do anything. The project I’m alluding to here would require the people involved to work; not just pontificate. But honestly, I think that most of the people who’ve rejected the project outright have other reasons for doing so. I have little doubt, if people believed in the merits of the project they’d be more than willing to take ownership of it.

The merits of what I attempt to promote aren’t for everyone, and of course there are flaws in those merits. These flaws could be remedied or fixed over time by other minds. And herein lies the paradox. What a hilarious irony. This ludicrous dynamic plays out in so many ways, on so many levels, for so many issues. The person presenting the ideals of this project is its most repelling factor.

Perhaps it’s time I let loose. If people don’t like what I have to say they don’t have to listen.

We’ll see what I do from here. My old tactics obviously don’t work; it’s time for something new. It’s time for me to get real.

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